Ft. Myers, Florida- Caucasian 20-year-old female mistaken for Muslim teenager. Golf carts and wheelchairs slowed as elderly Florida natives gawk at what they believe to be a rare species.
Kristyn, a Chicago native and part-time resident at a Floridian condo,
went for a stroll around the golf course at approximately 8 a.m. this
morning. Her fatal mistake was made before she stepped foot out of her
flower-filled home. At approximately 7:47 a.m, Ms. Assise wrapped a
head-scarf around her head.
"I have been covering my hair with a scarf for the past three days
because I have been too lazy to shower," Ms. Assise said, "All I do is
watch Breaking Bad in my underwear and binge eat chocolate. I wanted to
make sure I was still able to walk."
As Ms. Assise rounded the third hole, a golfer spotter her through his
range finder. He immediately picked his wife up and threw her in the
golf cart before her eyes were tainted by the sight of this foreigner.
Later reports indicate that the man unintentionally broke his wife's hip
with his forceful throw, but he allegedly regrets nothing.
A foursome of woman golfers caught a glimpse of Ms. Assise passing by
the fourth hole. One woman was intrigued rather than frightened of the
"She seemed harmless," a silver haired woman said, "I went to take a picture of her but my camera was out of film."
Assise eventually returned to her home at 8:57 a.m., at which time
every golfer on the course exhaled a collective sigh. No one had actually
approached Assise on her walk, for they feared catching a foreign
Dozens of reports were sent to the country club president
asking him to please re-evaluate his ability to uphold the regulations of the membership contracts. These golfers had been promised an
all-white residency at the club and they would like it to remain that
way. Little did they know, Assise was simply a white girl that didn't
like to take showers.
Disclaimer: The entirety of that story was falsified. Not only were the interviews fake, but the information was as well. For all of you who aren't aware, I'm Kristyn. My father, forever an avid golfer, said I looked Muslim with a head scarf on, so that was enough for me to fuel a story.
Another disclaimer: I find nothing wrong with looking Muslim.
Here are some photos of my bicycle in the evening so you all view me as an artistic minded individual. It was extremely glamorous taking these photos. I laid down in a puddle of mud to get the angle I liked and a police officer pulled over to ask me if I was injured. When I said that I was fine he inquired about me age. Yes, I am over 18 years old and yes my parents are informed of my whereabouts, officer.