The Bright Life

Tacky & Typical

If this is your first time browsing my blog, I am sincerely sorry. I'm not striving to be as cutting edge as Man Repeller or Bleach Black, but I typically try to post content that is less tacky than a girl prancing around a dandelion field in a sun dress. At the very least, my hair is not blowing in the wind as per most pictures set in a grassy field (my hair is too greasy for that today and honestly a shower is too much effort). 

 Right now my brain is still fried from final exams. I am trying to rejuvenate brain power and the only concept of clothing my mind could process this morning was a dress and wedges. In case you are initially turned off by the blunt girly nature of these photos, I included a few pictures of myself making an absolutely awful facial expression just to assure you I don't take myself that seriously. Anyway, enjoy the photos and have an American day.

 

(dress: Hollister (don't judge me I once worked there and had a store discount) shoes: Aldo; watch: Fossil; sunglasses: Ralph Lauren)

Playing Pretty

The release of these photos is long overdue, but alas, they are emerging into the light. The wonderful photographer Miss Stephanie Pana and I collaborated once again. I won't clutter this post with a wordy description today; I hope you enjoy the photos.

Outfit 1: top: Modcloth; skirt: Maceys; coat: H&M

Outfit 2: dress: Goodwill; belt: H&M; shoes: Urban Outfitters

Wannabee Waldo

 Muncie, Indiana- Waldo sighting disrupts the static, meaningless lives of hundreds. The photographs in this article are visual testimonies taken by witnesses of the Waldo scandal.* 

The first Waldo sighting is estimated to have taken place at 3 p.m. yesterday. Janice Sullivan, sophomore hospitality and food management major at Ball State University, sent the above photo to her friend Tina with the caption, "LOL looks like Waldo got winter gear and also a sex change because Waldo is a boy but this is a girl I think." Flashbacks of a tumultuous, red and white striped childhood flooded Tina's mind. With a shaking hand, Tina forwarded the photo over to the authorities in hopes of finally capturing Waldo. 

The question "Where's Waldo" has haunted the lives of many. Generations continue to pass down the burden of finding Waldo. Doctors have cited "Where's Waldo" books as a gateway to drug use; children become so discouraged by the ever-escaping Waldo that they drown out reality with drugs. Floods of photos, each revealing more of the incriminating sweater that the last, were sent to the police dispatcher. 

The wearer of the red and white sweater was unknown to all. Her blood red lips verified how very out of her element she was; Muncie locals don't wear lipstick. They only time a resident has red lips is after eating raw road kill, and it wasn't road kill season. She seemed dangerous by her very demeanor.

Using a long distance camera lens, Shelby Fredrickson captured the wannabe Waldo in action. Once the suspect  hooded herself, Fredrickson began to panic.
"I knew she was on to me. When she looked directly into the lens of my camera I froze. Surely she knew she had been spotted. I had to act fast. The state of Muncie depended on it, depended on me. In this dire situation I knew what I had to do; create a Facebook event." 

 

After an hour of deliberation, Fredrickson entitled the Facebook event "Event to capture Waldo." After another hour of deliberation, a photo for the event was chosen. Guests were electronically invited after the short two hour creation of the extravaganza. A partnership with the police and general public began when both parties left enthusiastic comments on the event wall  such as "can't wait!"and "I'll bring the pitchfork!"

The picture above was the Muncie mob's final call to action. The Waldo wannabee was caught in a state of manic laughter characteristic of any fictional villain; it was time to act. Unfortunately the Facebook event was mistakenly set for 6:30 a.m. instead of 6:30 p.m. Citizens remained in their residences until dawn of the next day to rally, for no one wanted to attend the event early.

Needless to say, Waldo once again got away. Children will continue to waste years of their lives searching for Waldo until drugs and alcohol mask the pain of their failure. If you have any information of the suspect, we encourage you to contact the authorities immediately. 

* As always the names, dates, and events in this article are falsified.

(Sweater: Goodwill. Coat: DKNY. Boots: DSW. Bowling bag: thrifted. . Necklace: thrifted.)

Old People and Head Scarves

 Ft. Myers, Florida- Caucasian 20-year-old female mistaken for Muslim teenager. Golf carts and wheelchairs slowed as elderly Florida natives gawk at what they believe to be a rare species.

Kristyn, a Chicago native and part-time resident at a Floridian condo, went for a stroll around the golf course at approximately 8 a.m. this morning. Her fatal mistake was made before she stepped foot out of her flower-filled home. At approximately 7:47 a.m, Ms. Assise wrapped a head-scarf around her head.

"I have been covering my hair with a scarf for the past three days because I have been too lazy to shower," Ms. Assise said, "All I do is watch Breaking Bad in my underwear and binge eat chocolate. I wanted to make sure I was still able to walk."

As Ms. Assise rounded the third hole, a golfer spotter her through his range finder. He immediately picked his wife up and threw her in the golf cart before her eyes were tainted by the sight of this foreigner. Later reports indicate that the man unintentionally broke his wife's hip with his forceful throw, but he allegedly regrets nothing.

A foursome of woman golfers caught a glimpse of Ms. Assise passing by the fourth hole. One woman was intrigued rather than frightened of the young woman.


"She seemed harmless," a silver haired woman said, "I went to take a picture of her but my camera was out of film."

Assise eventually returned to her home at 8:57 a.m., at which time every golfer on the course exhaled a collective sigh. No one had actually approached Assise on her walk, for they feared catching a foreign disease.

Dozens of reports were sent to the country club president asking him to please re-evaluate his ability to uphold the regulations of the membership contracts. These golfers had been promised an all-white residency at the club and they would like it to remain that way. Little did they know, Assise was simply a white girl that didn't like to take showers.

Disclaimer: The entirety of that story was falsified. Not only were the interviews fake, but the information was as well. For all of you who aren't aware, I'm Kristyn. My father, forever an avid golfer, said I looked Muslim with a head scarf on, so that was enough for me to fuel a story.  

Another disclaimer: I find nothing wrong with looking Muslim.

Here are some photos of my bicycle in the evening so you all view me as an artistic minded individual. It was extremely glamorous taking these photos. I laid down in a puddle of mud to get the angle I liked and a police officer pulled over to ask me if I was injured. When I said that I was fine he inquired about me age. Yes, I am over 18 years old and yes my parents are informed of my whereabouts, officer.

Art.